My Plan for the new year

I must be honest and share my story. When I was a child, I watched my parents move on with their life. They really weren’t there for me they didn’t raise me, my grandparents raised me, well my grandparents and my aunts. I’ve never seen a real relationship growing up and because of that. I tell my kids I love you all the time. you don’t realize as an adult, it’s more about showing that you love him instead of just saying that you love them. Occasionally, would hear someone say I love you. Then I wouldn’t see them for 6 to 8 months at a time. I never feel compassion respect or real genuine love from that person that would always say I love you.

Now raising two kids of my own I found myself going into the same pattern as my parents. Most of the time, my kids, I’ll leave them up to their own devices and I feel like that’s a bad way to be, but at the same time I watch them discover so much about themselves and the world around.  I feel better when I realize what knowledge they gain by letting them wonder just a little.

I’m also surprised at what knowledge I’ve gained by wandering myself. Wandering a little in the world, just a little in my own mind and by Taking Chances on things that I wouldn’t take a chance on before. I watch my kids how courageous they are in life and I envy them and at the same time I’m so proud. I’m not as courageous as they are. I have no idea where they get their coverage from. It could be from just Shear innocence, but they make me think a lot. They make me think about what I want to do in life. they make me think about where I want to go, what I want to be. Now mind you, I’m almost in my forties. My kids are 8 years old and 2 years old and I think God has a unique way of putting things in my life at the right time, so he can steer us in the right direction.

I believe having my children as late in life as I did is now the force that is pushing me to do something greater with my own life. I’m not just living for my kids I’m now living for me. I know that finding me will give them a better perspective of who they are. The more confidence I build in myself, the more confidence I can build in my kids.

I love my children very much and I want them to be confident and stable adults. I want them to be conscious of Their Own self and of their own well-being.

A lot of times in my life I’ve tended to accept the bad behavior of others as if it was something that I deserved or something that I never expected. Now gaining a deeper introspective myself and getting to know myself a whole lot better, I realize that I no longer require anyone’s acceptance. I will not tolerate anyone bad behavior. so, the thing is if I hold myself to high standards why not hold everyone else to those same standards.

I don’t accept bad behavior from my children. I don’t respect that behavior from my spouse, so why should I let Outsiders give me that same Behavior. going into 2019, I no longer accept anyone’s bad behavior. I no longer accept anyone else’s crosses to bear. I no longer accept not being respected. I no longer accept not being on the level that I should be.

I’m gaining a new love for myself, and you loving me is no longer a requirement. I have to say no to what’s not healthy for me. Hopefully you move forward in 2019 with the same mantra. What is not healthy for me does not belong to me. It does not belong with me. I will not carry it in my bag. I will not carry it in my mind. I will not carry it in my heart. I will only carry what is healthy for me. Happy New Year everyone